I received an email the other day from Robert Walsh, editor and writer for the
Mormon Times, who published an
article just days before Katie passed, on our family's efforts to raise the money needed to pay the hospital bills from when Katie was diagnosed with Crohn's disease earlier this year (2009) and what life is like living with the disease. He contacted me wanting to do a follow up article "
about how life has changed" for us over the last few months and wants to focus the article "
on [our] strength and the lessons [our] strength holds for others" to be published by the end of December '09.
My answer turned into more of an essay, than a simple response, and although I knew he couldn't include everything in the article, I felt strongly that our experience, my experience and lessons learned should be shared with others.
The following is my response to Mr. Walsh on "
How Life Has Changed:"
_____________________________________________________________
"Bob,
"I would be happy to share my thoughts with you on the strength we have received to endure these past few months....
"The refining fire of the Lord is not a pleasant place to be and it takes faith, courage and trust in the Lord that He is shaping you into the person He knows, wants and needs you to become. I consider myself a man of great faith in God and His '
Plan,' but I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that the greatest faith cannot rescue one from the pangs of grief.
"But I have found that in those moments of deepest sorrow, when my very heart seems to be tearing itself in two, the moments that take me to my knees begging for
understanding, peace, love, light, relief... it is in those moments of humility, left with nothing but a broken heart and contrite spirit, that the greatest lessons of life have been taught and the
mysteries of His kingdom are unfolded to view. Lessons and teachings that cannot all be shared openly, but cherished privately, and treasured up unto ourselves giving us not the wisdom of man, but the
wisdom born of God.
"I have come to understand the true difference between knowledge and wisdom. Anyone can open up a book and gain knowledge and, up to this point, I have had only a
knowledge of the
Lord's Plan of Happiness, the
Plan of Salvation and Redemption through scripture study, living gospel principles and having the truth of it witnessed to me by the
Holy Spirit. But wisdom is forged from the flames of experience and this experience has opened my eyes beyond my own ability to see. And because of this, I believe...
...we should be grateful for the trials we have today because they'll make us who we are tomorrow. (Romans 5: 3-4)
"I have experienced pain I never thought I would experience and found my self crying out,
'Is there anyone who knows this suffering?! Has anyone ever felt what I feel now?' And it was at that moment that I was reminded that
"Yes...there is One."
"I have realized now that the wisdom and guidance I have received from those who have suffered a tragic loss, I will, in turn, be able to offer the same to others.
"Faith does not eliminate the struggle. It just gives us the power to endure, keep fighting and keep looking upward until the Lord says 'It is done.'
"The closer it gets to Christmas, the harder it is. Christmas was Katie's absolute favorite holiday. She was (and still is) a giving spirit, always thinking of how to make others happy through gifts of self and substance, making sure
everything was perfect, down to the color, knot and curling of the ribbon, and this was not a once a year thing for her.
"If a friend was having a hard day, she would go out and get them a little something to let them know they were loved and to lift their spirits, regardless of the trials and storms that were happening in her own life -- and in this,
she embodied the true meaning of Christmas in every way and
lived in it's spirit throughout the year.
"The children, because of their youth, are handling it better than the adults. They have their moments of sadness, but they release it, then continue in the joy of being a kid. My soon to be six year old daughter,
Madi, the night after I told them of their mother's passing, took out a stuffed angel from her toy box and said,
'I'm going to sleep with this, because mommy's an angel now' and has slept with it ever since. My 8 year old son, Justin, although less vocal about it, will lay himself face down over his mother's grave and just lay there, feeling the closeness that a mama's boy needs to feel when snuggling warm and close on his mother's chest and dwelling in the memory of those moments as if she were lying there right next to him.
"We have had such an outpouring of love and strength from so many who have offered prayers and loving thoughts on our behalf. There is such power in unified prayer that I truly believe we would not be where we are if it were not for such an outpouring of spirit.
"We have received countless donations to the children's college fund (
see announcement on the homepage) in honor of their mother.
- The company she worked for part time during the day has had food drives for our family and collected donations to provide gift cards for the kids' for Christmas.
- The restaurant she was a waitress for twice a week held a benefit concert one night on her behalf, donating 10% of the day's sales to the children's college fund.
- Owners of a local printing and mailing franchise who knew our family, scanned hundreds of pictures for Katie's service and designed and printed the most beautiful programs I have ever seen at a service.
- Others have sent gift cards for food, donations to help with the day to day bills, which has been a blessing that has allowed me to stay in my children's lives during this time and maintain as much routine as possible, until we regain enough strength to settle into our new reality.
"It is
impossible to name all the ways in which people have reached out to us. Even people who we don't even know have contacted us and expressed their deepest feelings for us and offerings of thoughts and prayers.
"Her memorial service has had a ripple effect in the lives of many. Our stake center (church building) is large and the people in attendance overflowed into the gym because the chapel and its overflow was
filled to max capacity. A great missionary work has begun as a result. It has awakened many to the reality of their own mortality and caused them to take stock of their own lives and understand the true meaning of
Amulek's words '...
do not procrastinate the day of your repentance...' (
Alma 34:33).
"It seems as if through her death, many have been given another chance at life, which to me is, on a small scale, a reflection of the truth and power of the
Atonement.
It was one Man's suffering and one man's death that gave a chance of life, eternal life, to not just a select few, but to all mankind. (
Romans 5: 8-21)
"Her passing has taught us to hold to our loved ones more closely, forgive others more easily and prioritize those things in our lives that are truly important.
"We all knew, even from her youth, and had an overriding feeling and understanding that Katie's days on Earth would be shorter than most. That she would leave us early.
"Even though she was the youngest, out of all of her siblings she was the first to get married, the first to have children and even the youngest to receive her Patriarchal blessing at the age of 13. Almost as if the
necessary, beautiful and most precious events in life had been accelerated for her benefit. In the last paragraph of her blessing it reads:
'It matters not the number of days you live, but the direction you set your life's course upon.'
"And now, as if
following the same pattern, she is the
first to return home to meet her Lord and Savior, that
God who gave her life and will be working
with Him and waiting for us until that day comes when we are again reunited, having been
sealed together by the
Holy Spirit of Promise, never more to separate,
forever rejoicing in the mercy and redeeming power of the Son of Man,
forever whole,
forever perfect...
forever one!
"As I have looked back over everything that has happened over the past few years, especially this year, I have seen the foundation the Lord has set that has given us the ability to deal with this time.
"From the seemingly small and insignificant things at the time...
...like an inspired photograph my friend David took of my wife and kids when we were taking our last set of family photos where he said he literally had this image put into his mind and it was that image, taken in just a few simple snapshots, that is now a permanent reminder to us all, especially the children, of what she will be doing from now until we see her again...
... to the near death experience she had earlier this year in the hospital.
I literally was mentally preparing myself to lose her then and felt so blessed that she was spared. We always thought, though, her death would be related to her illness, and not taken in an instant when we were not expecting it and so close to the holidays at that.
"Another puzzle piece I would like to mention is a song I wrote just six days prior to her death. It was the most heart wrenching song I'd ever written. I was up late playing the piano and nothing felt right. Nothing felt fulfilling. So I began to just play the emotions that were coming to me and a song entitled "
Let Me Dream" emerged.
"Placing it in context of Katie's passing and putting the music to a visual representation of her life has given
truth, empathy and comfort to many. The original posting of the song on my
website even carries the date stamp of
October 29th, 2009, the day before she passed.
"I could not have written that song after she left us because I was no longer receptive to music; because only now have I started to feel it re-awakening within me, having slept for nearly two months now as if my brain had shut it down in order to protect me as it went into '
survival mode.'
"Lastly, the final piece I want to share, is a piece I shared with everyone at the service, posted it on my Facebook account and have asked everyone to re-post it so everyone, regardless of who they are, may see it, adapt it and live it. It is 'Katie's To-Do List.' And the story behind it can be found on the homepage of this
website.
"I believe the world should hear that amazing story and keep their own copy of 'Katie's To-Do List' in their own home."
___________________________________________________________________
That concluded my message to Robert Walsh.
I encourage everyone who may be going through difficult times, who are experiencing loss, grief, pain and suffering not just of the body, but of the mind, heart and spirit, to open up to a blank piece of paper, or sit at a computer...and write!
- Don't write it for the approval of others, or with the idea of making it public
- The language doesn't have to be flowery or have a "good flow" to it
- It doesn't have to follow any rules of grammar or style...just write your feelings -- as they come and however they come
- Empty yourself onto paper and experience the freedom of release that it provides.
- Then share it, just the parts you're comfortable with, with others who you trust, who may be going through the same thing, or release it anonymously online, not seeking to discuss it, just seeking an open ear only...
- ...and begin to feel yourself heal.
This is my advice, a tool for anyone experiencing grief to help in the healing process, not as a professional therapist, because I'm not, but as a brother who is going through it himself.
Warmest regards, peace and love,
Justin Young
____________________________________________
For more information on the faith from which Justin has found strength in weakness, light in darkness and understanding that brings peace, please click here.
____________________________________________
To read the follow up article in the
Mormon Times,
click here.
Share this page on with others Facebook.
Share
She had a way of seeing and showing love to those who are easily overlooked or taken for granted, and always included them and made them equal with those who stood in the forefront. I can remember spending hours with her, helping her prepare the gift bags, tags, ribbons, etc...you wanted to help. You were powerless against the gravitational pull of her genuine passion for making others feel appreciated and loved; you wanted to be a part of that -- even if it was cutting 100 pieces of ribbon and making sure they were all the same size or constructing 15 gingerbread houses for children to decorate the next day.
