Memory Book

For the Mother's Day post, I thought I'd share excerpts from Justin and Madison's memory book (click on the pictures to enlarge them):

"When Mommy was at the store, I picked flowers for her and then when she got home, I gave her the flowers.  We lived in the same house we are in now.  And when I said flower, I said 'fowuh.'  I was three years old."  --Madison

 -- Madison

 --Justin

I Remember...

What can you say?  When you're all out of the "I wishes" and are weary from the "I regrets," all that's left are the "I remembers."  So today...I remember.  I will always remember.

Don't Wait

If I knew it would be the last time

That I'd see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in more tightly

And pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time

That I see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and kiss

And call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time

I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,

I would video tape each action and word,

Do I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,

I could spare and extra minute or two

To stop and say "I love you,"

Instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time

I would be there to share your day,

Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,

So I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow

To make up for an oversight,

And we always get a second chance

To make everything right.

There will always be another day

To say our "I love you's,"

And certainly there's another chance

To say our "Anything I can do's?"

But just in case I might be wrong,

And today is all I get,

I'd like to say how much I love you

And I hope we never forget,

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,

Young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance

You get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,

Why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes,

You'll surely regret the day

That you didn't take that extra time

For a smile, a hug, or a kiss

And you were too busy to grant someone

What turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today

And whisper in their ear

That you love them very much and

You'll always hold them dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me,"

"Thank you," or "it's okay"

And if tomorrow never come,

You'll have no regrets about today.

--Author unknown

(if anyone knows the author, please let me know)

Valentine's Day 2010

Excerpt from Journal dated December 5th, 2009:

She was my life,

My breath,

My everything.

My love for her could surround the universe

A million times over and still see no end...

My love for her could reach the floors

Of the deepest oceans

And pour out

Expanding

Into every corner of space

And is endless

As God is endless,

And is without beginning,

As God is without beginning.

I loved her before I knew her,

Before the world was.

...

When will we find relief?

When will we break these bonds of mortality

And be free?

When will the Lord God part the heavens

To cast out darkness;

Purging the world

By fire

And bring peace?

Raising our loved ones who sleep?

I will be waiting.

Forever there

At her feet

Waiting for the day

When the earth delivers up her dead

As Christ restores them to life.

Then I will receive her

And hold her,

Never to let go,

To dance in light,

Fly as fast as our spirits allow

And rejoice in the saving grace

Of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Valentine's for Mom...

Madi and Justin made their mom Valentine cards to give to her on Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetie!  Everyone here loves you!

Madi's Letter

"Dear Mommy,

I know it was your time to die.  I love you so much and miss you so much.

I love to go everywhere with you and you are the best mommy ever and

you give me lots of hugs and kisses and I love you mommy.

Dear mommy, Madi wrote this note to you, your daughter."

When children mourn, let them write...

The Little Green Bag

This past weekend, Justin attended Comfort Zone Camp -- a camp for children who have lost loved ones.  It is an amazing program, with the most caring, exciting, loving and energetic group of leaders and counselors I've ever seen.  They are so focused on these kids and Justin was able to finally open up and share his story and feelings that he has not been able to do at home.

He has told me he doesn't like talking about Mommy 'cause it makes him sad, but at CZC he was surrounded by kids his age and leaders and "Big Buddies" who have all experienced a similar loss.

After a balloon release at the end of camp, I was approached by his Healing Circle group leader and another camp administrator who told me about something Justin wrote and the time and care he put into writing it.  They talked about what a beautiful and touching list he made and that he would have kept on going if he'd had a roll of paper big enough...but all he had was a little green bag.  His "Big Buddy" Jody, said candles were put in these bags to light the path to the bonfire one evening.  They said they would try to find it, take a picture of it and send it to me.

When we came home, I opened his blue suitcase and the first thing I saw was this little green bag...

If you know of any family, whose children need a place like Comfort Zone Camp, or are looking for a worthy non-profit to support either financially or as a volunteer, please visit their website, www.ComfortZoneCamp.org.